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  • I had to take an event from the Maus comic and put it into actual writing. The part I rewrote starts at page 25 (or 22 if ur looking at the pages the pdf viewer says it is) and ends at about page 29 (or 26 again according to the viewer).

    What I wrote


    For the next few months, I went back, to my father’s home, quite regularly, to hear his story. I walked into his dining room to find him sitting at the cluttered table organizing several medications used for several ailments.

    “I must fight to save myself!”, my father grumbles, “The doctors only give me ‘junk food’, which is what I call my pills now. There is a prevention magazine that I study, are you interested in taking a look son?” I swiftly decline with a quick shake of the head. I came for my father to tell me his story, not read about medical conspiracy theories.

    “About mom, did she have any boyfriends before you?” I asked pulling out a notepad, ready jot down new information.

    My father made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. “Not anything romantic but there was one tall boy from Warsaw, he was just a no-good communist!” He sighs, “Even after we were wed, your mother, Anja always ran to see him when he visited Sosnowiec. Of course, at that time I had no idea he was a communist! I always keep far away from commies!” He turned up his nose at the memory. “A short time after our marriage, I came home from a trip. Rumors were being spread about the seamstress from our hall being arrested for possessing secret communist documents. When I got into our home, I was greeted by Anja’s distressed parents.” He pauses, tiredly rubbing his temples before continuing.

    “They explained the police came looking for Anja. The same boy from Warsaw brought her communist messages, Anja translated them to German and passed them on. My dearest Anja was involved in conspirations. Before the police came, a friend warned her to hide the papers. Due to Anja being a trusted customer, the seamstress agreed to hold them for her. They searched our home, corner to corner; found nothing and moved on to search the homes of our neighbors. Anja was safe, but they arrested the seamstress and let her go after three months due to lack of evidence. Father-in-law paid off her lawyer fees and gave her about fifteen thousand zlotys”

    I sat back in awe of the price point, “That’s a lot, huh?” I whispered.

    “Ja,” my father chuckled, “But he didn’t do only that. During that same time, he did something even greater for us-” I turned the page in my notepad, ready to record the next story my father reveals.

    I want to make sure that grammar,spelling, etc are good and that I "Maintained the narrative"

    Thank yoooooooooooooooooou Mrs. Trigonometry Lee~

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    • ooo this is such a cool concept! i will take more time reading the comic, but for now i'll edit your passage.

      give me about 10 minutes.

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    • Thank youu

      yeah it is kinda interesting, "Style Swap" i have to turn another actual writen story and turn it into a comic.

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    • Bold text

      For the next few months, I went back, to my father’s home, quite regularly, to hear his story. I walked into his dining room to find him sitting at the cluttered table organizing several medications used for several ailments.

      For the next few months, I went back to my father’s home regularly to hear his story. I walked into the dining room to find him sitting at the cluttered table organizing several medications used for his various ailments. (avoid repetition of certain words like several as it comes off as redundant- also limit your comma usage as it should only be used to introduce a new action or indicate a series)

      “I must fight to save myself!”, my father grumbles, “The doctors only give me ‘junk food’, which is what I call my pills now. There is a prevention magazine that I study, are you interested in taking a look son?” I swiftly decline with a quick shake of the head. I came for my father to tell me his story, not read about medical conspiracy theories.

      “I must fight to save myself!”, my father grumbles, “The doctors only give me ‘junk food’, which is what I call my pills now. There is a prevention magazine that I study. Are you interested in taking a look at it, son?”  (insert a line break for action/character change)

      I swiftly decline with a quick shake of the head. I came to hear my father tell his story, not to read about medical conspiracy theories.

      “About mom, did she have any boyfriends before you?” I asked pulling out a notepad, ready jot down new information.

      “About mom, did she have any boyfriends before you?” I asked pulling out a notepad, ready to jot down new information. (this is just for style and to sound more casual- you can revert the sentence if you feel it was okay)

      My father made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. “Not anything romantic but there was one tall boy from Warsaw, he was just a no-good communist!” He sighs, “Even after we were wed, your mother, Anja always ran to see him when he visited Sosnowiec. Of course, at that time I had no idea he was a communist! I always keep far away from commies!” He turned up his nose at the memory. “A short time after our marriage, I came home from a trip. Rumors were being spread about the seamstress from our hall being arrested for possessing secret communist documents. When I got into our home, I was greeted by Anja’s distressed parents.” He pauses, tiredly rubbing his temples before continuing.
      My father made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. “None of them were anything romantic, but there was one tall boy from Warsaw. He was just a no-good communist!” 

      He sighs, “Even after we were wed, your mother Anja always ran to see him when he visited Sosnowiec. Of course at that time, I had no idea he was a communist! I always keep far away from commies!” He turned up his nose at the memory. 

      “A short time after our marriage, I came home from a trip. Rumors were being spread about the seamstress from our hall being arrested for possessing secret communist documents. When I got into our home, I was greeted by Anja’s distressed parents.” He pauses, tiredly rubbing his temples before continuing.

      “They explained the police came looking for Anja. The same boy from Warsaw brought her communist messages, Anja translated them to German and passed them on. My dearest Anja was involved in conspirations. Before the police came, a friend warned her to hide the papers. Due to Anja being a trusted customer, the seamstress agreed to hold them for her. They searched our home, corner to corner; found nothing and moved on to search the homes of our neighbors. Anja was safe, but they arrested the seamstress and let her go after three months due to lack of evidence. Father-in-law paid off her lawyer fees and gave her about fifteen thousand zlotys”

      “They explained the police came looking for Anja. The same boy from Warsaw brought her communist messages, Anja translated them to German and passed them on. My dearest Anja was involved with conspirators. Before the police came, a friend warned her to hide the papers. Due to Anja being a trusted customer, the seamstress agreed to hold them for her. They searched our home corner-to-corner; the police found nothing and ended up moving on to search the homes of our neighbors. Anja was safe, but they arrested the seamstress and let her go after three months due to lack of evidence. Father-in-law paid off her lawyer fees and gave her about fifteen thousand zlotys.”

      I sat back in awe of the price point, “That’s a lot, huh?” I whispered.

      I sat back in awe of the exchange price and 'whispered, '“That’s a lot, huh?”

      “Ja,” my father chuckled, “But he didn’t do only that. During that same time, he did something even greater for us-” I turned the page in my notepad, ready to record the next story my father reveals.

      “Ja,” my father chuckled, “But he didn’t do only that. During that same time, he did something even greater for us.” 

      I turned the page in my notepad, ready to record the next story my father reveals.

      I want to make sure that grammar,spelling, etc are good and that I "Maintained the narrative"

      okay, the narrative feels very strong and from what i saw in the comic, this very much maintains the narrative! i'm really impressed and considering i didn't have any knowledge of the original source, it seemed really good for its first draft.

      if you have questions on any of my changes, let me know!

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    • Clickyourheart wrote:
      Bold text

      My father made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. “Not anything romantic but there was one tall boy from Warsaw, he was just a no-good communist!” 
      My father made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. “None of them were anything romantic, but there was one tall boy from Warsaw. He was just a no-good communist!” 

      Ok, its good to know that i wasn't the only one who thought that sentence sounded odd lol. I was considering changing it too but left it since you agree with me too i'll change it. 

      Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Mrs. Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I really appreciate you teaching me chem and hwo 2 englih rih. You're gonna be a great teacher.

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    • ET's going to be the BEST teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    • A FANDOM user
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